🎙️ EPISODE 28: You’re Not Too Much - You’re Finally On Frequency
Where “too much” gets programmed
You didn’t make “too much” up. It was handed to you early, wrapped in authority and fear. A teacher sighing when your hand shot up again. A parent saying, “You’re exhausting.” A partner calling you intense when your clarity threatened their comfort. Tiny moments that felt harmless in the moment, but your nervous system caught every one and filed them under survival. The lesson you absorbed? Tone it down. Be palatable. Don’t make waves.
Here’s the truth that will unhook you: none of it was about you. It was never your power that was the problem. It was their capacity. Your light made their shadows visible. And instead of expanding, they tried to fold you up small.
So you adapted. You learned the mask of digestible. You rounded your edges. You swapped conviction for diplomacy. You turned the volume down on your voice until your dreams could barely hear you. And it worked, temporarily. You got invited to tables built for smaller appetites. You were praised for being agreeable. You kept the peace…while you abandoned yourself.
Let’s get specific so you can see the pattern. In business, you under-priced even though your delivery was elite. You over-delivered to justify being in rooms that couldn’t afford you. You wrote emails in a careful tone so no one could accuse you of being “too direct.” You hired people who needed mothering instead of people who could run beside you. You accepted clients who didn’t respect your boundaries because you were afraid that raising your standard would make you “difficult.”
This is how programming works: repetition plus emotion equals identity. Over time, “too much” became not just something you were called - it became who you thought you were. And identity drives behavior. The mask started making your decisions for you. And then you drew an entire life built for the mask - not for you - and it’s why we start to feel really trapped in our life.
Now, future pace with me. Close your eyes for a second if you can - obviously if you’re in your car, please don’t close your eyes - if you’re in a safe place to do so:
Close your eyes now and step three months ahead. You’re at a long marble boardroom table, air cool on your skin, that barely-there hum of the building settling. Your deck is up. Your numbers are clean. You speak and the room actually gets quieter. No performing. Just presence. Your fee is the fee. You don’t explain it. You don’t pad it. You let the silence do its job, and the decision maker nods because certainty is contagious.
Cut to the studio. Lights up. Mic on. You deliver a take in one clean pass. No fluff, no disclaimers. Your voice carries weight because you’re finally carrying your own. You don’t ask for permission to be clear. You don’t apologize for being precise. You land the plane and the team moves without you micromanaging a single detail.
Cut to your phone. A client who used to negotiate sends a wire confirmation - paid in full - because your boundaries are now architecture, not suggestions. Your calendar reflects it too: deep work blocks protected, workouts non-negotiable, spacious white space that feeds your best ideas. Your life feels less like catching up and more like commanding an orchestra. This isn’t fantasy. It’s what happens when you remove the limiter called “too much” and let your system recalibrate to its true size.
Feel the difference in your body right now. Shoulders drop. Breath deepens. Your chest opens a millimeter wider. That’s your nervous system recognizing home. Your “too much” was never volume. It was voltage. And voltage belongs in a grid that was designed to carry it. Wrong grid, you blow fuses. Right grid, you power a city.
Here’s the reframe you take with you from this segment: you are not too much. You were misallocated. Put your power in the right rooms, with the right people, toward the right outcomes, and watch how quickly “too much” turns into “exactly right.”
We’re going to cut the tether to smallness at the root. In the next section, I’ll show you how playing small became a loyalty contract you never meant to sign, and how to tear it up with integrity.
How playing small has been a loyalty contract
Here’s the hard truth you’ve probably never named out loud: every time you’ve played small, it wasn’t just fear - it was loyalty babe.
A subconscious loyalty contract.
If I don’t outgrow you, you won’t abandon me.
If I stay at your level, I’ll still belong.
If I dim my light, you’ll feel safe enough to keep me around.
That’s what’s been running in the background. And so you’ve been loyal to partners, to friends, to family, even to clients and colleagues by betraying yourself.
You said yes when you wanted to say no. You undercharged so they’d still buy. You softened your voice so you wouldn’t intimidate. You kept people on your team who weren’t pulling their weight because cutting them loose felt cruel. You downplayed your ambition because you knew it would trigger someone else’s insecurity.
But let me be clear: loyalty to limitation is still betrayal. Every time you protect someone else’s comfort at the expense of your own growth, you write another line in that contract. And the only person paying the bill is you.
Now let’s step into the future. Imagine this:
It’s one year from today. You’ve torn the contract in half. You’ve stopped bargaining with smallness. You walk into a room and there’s no calculation about how much of yourself you can safely bring. You bring all of it.
The people around you? They rise or they leave. And instead of scrambling to hold on, you actually breathe easier when they go. Because you finally understand - the ones who fall away were never meant to come with you.
Your client roster looks different too. Gone are the energy vampires who wanted champagne results on a tap-water budget. In their place? Clients who wire five figures without hesitation because they feel the certainty in your voice. They don’t need convincing - they feel your frequency and want to be around it.
Your friendships are sharper too. No more codependent cycles of advice-giving where you’re the strong one holding everyone up. You’re surrounded by women who mirror your magnitude back to you. Conversations that fuel you, not drain you.
And in your body, you feel it. No more quiet resentment. No more bending yourself into shapes that don’t fit. You sit straighter. You speak cleaner. You move through decisions with precision instead of permission-seeking.
That’s what tearing up the contract creates. Space. Power. Clean air. And here’s the kicker - you don’t lose connection. You gain it. True connection. Not the kind built on you dimming your light so they won’t flinch. The kind built on you being fully seen, fully met, fully chosen.
So here’s the shift: loyalty to smallness has been costing you everything. Loyalty to your future self will give you everything back.
And that’s where we’re going in this episode. In the next section, I’m going to show you how the fear of outshining has been the silent agreement keeping you under wraps - and how to step right through it.
Recognizing the fear of outshining
Here’s the part you rarely confess, even to yourself: you’re afraid of outshining.
You’re not afraid of failure: you’ve failed before and you’ve survived. Pat yourself on the back. You’re not afraid of the work: you’ve been carrying the weight of other people’s expectations your entire life. What terrifies you is success that’s undeniable. Success so undeniable it makes people you love uncomfortable.
Because you know what happens when you shine too brightly. People talk. They question. They distance. Some try to cut you down. Some quietly resent you. Some disappear altogether.
And if we’re honest, you’re not wrong. That does happen. But here’s the mistake you’ve been making: you’ve been interpreting their reactions as evidence that something is wrong with you, when really, it’s just proof you’ve outgrown the room. Use what you’re seeing as validation that you’re growing.
Let’s get specific. Think back to the promotion you almost didn’t accept because you were worried your friends would think you’d “changed.” The launch you delayed because you knew your family wouldn’t understand what you were charging. The opportunity you played down in conversation so no one would feel “less than.” That’s the fear of “outshining” running the show without you even realizing it.
And here’s the reframe: outshining doesn’t make you dangerous. It makes you the direction. Your shine is not a threat - it’s a signal. In the wrong rooms, yes, it’s rejection. But in the right rooms? It’s medicine. It’s magnetism. It’s the exact permission slip others have been waiting for.
Now, let’s imagine...
Fast-forward six months. You’re on stage at a leadership event. Spotlights are warm on your skin. You tell the truth you used to water down. You don’t apologize for your success, you model it. You look out into the crowd and see eyes lit up - not with jealousy, but with recognition. Because in that moment, your courage to outshine gives them permission to stop hiding.
Cut to your business. You send a proposal with a number that would’ve made you sweat last year. This time, your body stays calm. The client says yes. Not because you negotiated them into it, but because your energy says: This is who I am. This is the standard. This is what it costs to sit at my table.
And in your relationships, you don’t shrink to keep anyone comfortable. You stop explaining. You stop toning down. You let people feel the heat of your full frequency. Some leave. And instead of panic, you feel relief. Because now your life is filled with people who aren’t threatened by your shine, they’re fueled by it.
That’s the shift we’re anchoring here: the fear of outshining isn’t something to solve. It’s something to reframe. Outshining is evidence that you’re finally operating at your true size.
So when the fear shows up, don’t interpret it as danger. Interpret it as confirmation: I’m in expansion. I’m on frequency. I’m walking into the life I said I wanted.
In the next section, I’ll show you how your true energetic size isn’t something to suppress. It’s the very medicine that heals not just you, but everyone you’re meant to lead.
The medicine of your true energetic size
You’ve been taught to believe that your magnitude is a liability. That if you dial it down, you’ll be easier to love, easier to follow, easier to accept. But here’s the reality: your true energetic size isn’t dangerous - it’s medicine.
Let me explain. Think of the women who’ve moved you most, the ones you can still remember years later. Was it because they made themselves small? Was it because they softened their brilliance so you wouldn’t feel threatened? No. It was because they walked into a room and didn’t apologize for their presence. Their frequency was unapologetically theirs. And you felt it. You didn’t just see them - you recalibrated in their presence.
That’s what your full size does. It recalibrates environments. It lifts standards. It makes other people remember what’s possible. And here’s the catch - you can’t transmit that when you’re diluted.
When you withhold your fullness, the world doesn’t get your medicine. Your team doesn’t get the clarity of your standard. Your clients don’t get the certainty of your conviction. Your partner doesn’t get the fire that drew them to you in the first place. And you - you don’t get to experience the ease that comes when you stop fighting your own design.
Now, again let’s step into the future.
Fast-forward nine months. You’ve stopped apologizing. You’ve stopped camouflaging. You show up online, and your content isn’t another watered-down carousel - it’s precise, sharp, activating. The DMs are different now. No more tire-kickers. The women who enter your orbit are decisive, self-led, and ready to pay.
Cut to your leadership. Your team no longer second-guesses themselves, because your presence sets the tone. You don’t chase accountability - it magnetizes to you. The energy of the company shifts, because your energetic size is the thermostat, not the temperature reading.
Cut to your relationships. No more negotiating how much of yourself you’re allowed to bring into the room. You bring all of it. And what happens? The right people stay and thrive. They’re not drained by your bigness - they’re healed by it. They expand because of it.
That’s the medicine. Your frequency, in its raw, unfiltered state, is the cure for the very thing you’ve been afraid of: disconnection. Because here’s the paradox - you thought shrinking kept people close. But in reality, your expansion is what creates real connection.
So here’s your new directive: stop treating your energy like it’s a problem to solve. Start treating it like it’s the prescription someone else is waiting for. Because when you live at your full energetic size, you don’t just transform your own life - you become the signal that others can calibrate to.
In the next section, I’m going to take this even further. We’ll move into what it looks like to speak, lead, and sell from fullness - because that’s where your power stops being internal and starts reshaping the external.
Speaking, leading, and selling from fullness
When you finally stop shrinking, everything about the way you operate changes. Speaking, leading, selling - it all upgrades. Let’s get specific.
Speaking from fullness:
Your voice doesn’t just communicate information anymore. It transmits authority. You’ve noticed it, haven’t you? When someone fully owns who they are, their words land differently. They cut through. They don’t have to shout. They don’t have to explain themselves three different ways. Their presence does the heavy lifting, and their words seal the deal.
When you speak from fullness, you stop overexplaining. You stop softening the truth. You deliver it clean, precise, surgical. And the room gets quiet because people can feel the certainty in you. That’s not “too much.” That’s command.
Leading from fullness:
When you lead from fullness, your presence becomes the standard. You no longer manage tasks, you set the frequency. Your team calibrates to you. Your clients rise to meet you. You don’t chase accountability anymore because your energy magnetizes it. Your leadership doesn’t look like control - it looks like gravity.
You’ve probably experienced the opposite: leading from smallness, where you micromanage every detail, double-check every email, chase down results because you don’t trust your power to hold the room. That’s exhausting. But when you lead from fullness, you free yourself and everyone else. You stop managing and start magnetizing.
Selling from fullness:
This is where the transformation gets tangible. Because when you sell from fullness, it’s not about convincing. It’s not about overcoming objections. It’s not about scripting clever closes. It’s about transmitting frequency.
Think about it: when you are fully embodied, when you are certain, when you are unapologetic - clients don’t need persuasion. They feel it. They lean in. They don’t question your prices because your energy says: This is the standard. This is the container. This is what it costs to sit at my table.
Selling from fullness is the opposite of performing for approval. It’s inviting people into alignment. It’s showing them a frequency they want to live in, and then holding the door open.
Now let’s future pace this: imagine six months from now, you’re delivering a keynote. Your voice steady, your presence undeniable. You see the audience leaning forward - not because you’re entertaining them, but because you’re embodying something they crave.
Imagine your sales calls. Clean. Simple. No scrambling, no convincing. Just clarity. You name your price. They nod. They say yes. Not because you manipulated them, but because your certainty removed all doubt.
Imagine your leadership meetings. No chaos, no overexertion. Your team takes initiative. They deliver at a higher level because they’re calibrated to the energy you bring. You are the thermostat now - the one setting the temperature of the room.
That’s the power of speaking, leading, and selling from fullness. You stop chasing outcomes and start commanding them. And the best part? It doesn’t feel like more effort. It feels like less. Because you’re not performing anymore - you’re simply being who you are, at full capacity.
So here’s the charge: your job is no longer to be palatable. Your job is to be precise. Your job is not to dim your shine. Your job is to transmit it so cleanly that the right people recognize themselves in it. That’s how you collapse timelines. That’s how you build wealth. That’s how you lead movements.
CLOSING...
If you’ve been told you’re too much, if you’ve been carrying the weight of making yourself smaller so others could breathe easier - this episode is your invitation to stop apologizing for your power. Subscribe to the Rewired to Rise Podcast, leave a review, and share this with the woman in your circle who’s ready to step into her full frequency. Because you are not too much - you are the exact signal the world has been waiting for.
Thank you for spending time with me. I'm your host Tanya-Marie Dubé and you're listening to the Rewired to Rise Podcast. I hope you have a beautiful day and I'll see you on the next episode.