🎙️ EPISODE 025: Don’t Wait for Permission to Become Her
The cost of waiting for validation
Inside your head, the whispers are loud: “...what if I make the wrong move? What if they think I’m arrogant? What if this tanks everything I’ve built? Maybe I should run it by someone first. Maybe I’m not ready yet.”
You call it “being thoughtful,” but underneath, it’s fear of being exposed. Fear of no longer being the good girl, the top performer, the one who always delivers.
Here’s the truth: every time you wait for someone else to nod, you hand them the keys to your future. And your subconscious takes notes. It’s a machine - a goal-seeking mechanism that runs on images and repetition. The more you wait, the more the machine codes: I am the woman who waits. That becomes your identity. And identity dictates results. We are always practicing who we are becoming.
Think about the cost:
- The launch you’ve been circling for months because you wanted “feedback.”
- The price you cut before anyone even objected.
- The opportunity you let die because you were waiting for the perfect timing, the perfect words, the perfect green light.
That waiting is expensive. It cost you momentum, it cost you authority, and it carved a deeper groove in your nervous system that says, “I only move when I’m told it’s safe.”
And that’s the real bleed: you’re not just losing money or time, you’re eroding your self-image. You’re proving to yourself, day after day, that you don’t trust your own signal. That’s why you feel stuck. That’s why no matter how much strategy you stack, you keeps circling the same doubts.
The body knows it too. The tight throat before you raise your rates. The quickened heartbeat before you hit publish. The shallow breath when someone asks your opinion and you second-guess. That’s not you being “careful.” That’s your conditioning fighting for its life.
Micro-Practice: The 60-Second Sanction.
Pick the decision you’ve been shopping for permission on. Set a timer for 60 seconds. Out loud, declare what you want - do NOT say or think about what you don’t want. Only what you want to see happen. No negotiating with yourself. Don’t try to figure out how. Just decide. End with the sentence: “I authorize this.” Let your body revolt. That resistance is the program, not the truth. Do it anyway.
How internalized permission-seeking runs the show
Here’s what you won’t say out loud: “...if I don’t double-check, I’ll screw it up. If I don’t soften my tone, they’ll think I’m difficult. If I don’t over-deliver, they’ll leave me. If I decide too fast, I’ll regret it.”
That’s not logic. That’s programming. Somewhere along the way, you learned that survival equaled asking first. Growing up, maybe it was: Don’t upset them, don’t make waves, don’t draw too much attention. In business, it became: Run it by the team, make sure everyone’s good, tweak it until it’s perfect. And now? It runs her.
This is how the mechanism works:
- You feel the spark of desire. The idea, the raise, the bold yes.
- Instant override kicks in. Your subconscious says, “Hold on, not yet.”
- The waiting ritual begins. You edit, ask opinions, rewrite, replay the imaginary criticism.
- By the time you move, the charge is gone. The decision feels watered down. You call it “measured.” The truth? It’s diluted.
This isn’t carefulness, it’s conditioning. Your nervous system was trained to link approval with safety. Every time you get the nod, the brain says: “See? That’s how we survive.” So the cycle deepens.
And here’s the kicker: when you wait, you think you’re protecting yourself from failure. What you’re actually doing is installing failure in advance. Because the self-image you’re reinforcing is: “I can’t trust myself.” And the subconscious delivers on that image, every damn time. And so why do you think you have to deal with low vibration clients who ghost or fail to pay? You’re setting that up in advance. It’s meant to show you where your thinking is and that’s all - don’t like the circumstance, then shift the vibration.
This is why you feel split - powerful on paper, hesitant in the mirror. This is why you over-explain in meetings, apologizes in emails, and shrinks your edges in relationships. Permission-seeking isn’t just a habit. It’s an identity. And until you dismantle it, no amount of strategy will fix the stall.
Micro-Practice: The Two-Line Inventory.
Today, write down three decisions you recently delayed or outsourced. Next to each one, write the belief behind it (e.g., “If I don’t discount, they’ll leave”). Then, flip it. Write the belief your future self would hold instead (e.g., “If I hold my rate, the right people rise to meet it”). This isn’t just a list - it’s a recalibration.
What it looks like to decide without consensus
In your head, the soundtrack goes like this: “...I should check with the team first. What if my partner doesn’t like it? What if my mentor disagrees? Maybe I’ll just wait until I feel more certain.”
That inner noise is the committee you’ve built in your head: a roundtable of ghosts you keeps consulting. Parents, exes, bosses, colleagues, clients, that one mentor who said you were “too much.” They all get a vote. And you don’t notice that in giving everyone else a ballot, you’ve silenced your own voice.
So let’s put it side by side:
- The consensus-driven version: “I’m thinking of raising my rates, but I want to make sure the market’s okay with it. I’ll get some feedback and maybe roll it out slowly.”
- The sovereign version: “My new rate is X. The results I deliver demand it. If this doesn’t work for you, that’s fine - the right clients will meet me here.”
Or:
- Consensus-driven: “Let’s wait until we all feel aligned before we launch.”
- Sovereign: “We launch next Monday. If adjustments are needed, we’ll adapt after we move.”
Notice the difference? One broadcasts doubt, the other transmits direction. One weakens the self-image, the other strengthens it.
This isn’t about being reckless. It’s about clean ownership. When you decide without consensus, you don’t wait for proof that your decision is acceptable. You become the proof. And something shifts. People stop questioning you and start aligning with your signal. Clients respect boundaries. Teams execute faster. Partners rise to the standard you set.
Because the truth is this: indecision breeds mistrust. If you won’t stand behind your own choice, why should anyone else? But when you issue a decision clean and unapologetic, it calibrates the room. People follow decisiveness. People trust certainty.
Micro-Practice: The One-Word Brief.
Before your next meeting, pick one word that defines the outcome you want (e.g., SCALE, CLEAN, DECIDE). Say it to yourself, anchor it in your body, and let that one word frame how you lead the room. That’s how you train your subconscious to follow your authority instead of waiting for theirs.
Activating internal authority and identity sovereignty
Here’s the real conflict in your head: “...What if I choose wrong? What if they leave? What if this blows up in my face? Maybe I’ll just wait a little longer so I don’t regret it.”
That’s the soundtrack of a woman outsourcing her power. And here’s the flip: authority isn’t something you earn from applause, consensus, or the nod of approval. Authority is an internal frequency you decide to install.
It starts with the body. Every time you’re about to issue a decision, your nervous system screams “danger.” That’s old programming. But you can retrain it. Three steps:
- Embodied Decision - Plant both feet. Shoulders back. Breath low and steady. Say the decision out loud in a grounded tone. Don’t explain. Don’t apologize. Just state it. This physical anchoring tells the subconscious: “This is safe. This is who I am now.”
- Boundary Without Backstory - Strip the justification. “No, this doesn’t work for me.” “The price is X.” “We’re moving forward Monday.” The self-image rewires every time you choose brevity over begging.
- Enforcement Within 24 Hours - A decision that stays in the head is fantasy. A decision enforced with one immediate action becomes identity. Raise the rate, send the email, cancel the meeting, post the launch. Your subconscious then records: “I am the woman who follows through.”
This is how sovereignty is built. One embodied decision at a time. And here’s the secret most people miss: the nervous system doesn’t rewire through thought alone. It rewires through decision + action + enforcement. That’s how you collapse the gap between the image in your mind and the woman in the mirror.
Because every time you do this, you’re no longer the girl waiting to be picked. You’re the woman who decides the game.
Micro-Practice: The 24-Hour Enforcement.
Pick one decision you’ve been circling. Declare it out loud today. Then take one enforcing action within 24 hours that makes it real. This is how you prove to your subconscious that you are safe in power.
Micro-practices to lead from your own voice
Here’s the inner script you’re fighting: “...what if I sound too harsh? What if they think I’m selfish? What if I lose them? Maybe I should soften it, add more context, give them an out…”
That’s not your voice. That’s the mask. That’s the survival loop running her mouth. And every time you edits herself to be palatable, you tell your subconscious: “My truth is too much. My voice is dangerous.”
So here’s how you dismantle that programming and starts leading with your real signal:
- The “Authorize” Phrase
End decisions with the words: “I authorize this.” Out loud. Spoken with weight. This cements self-trust in the subconscious. The brain codes it as identity: “I am the one who sanctions.” - The 30-Second Rule
Declare decisions in 30 seconds or less. No caveats. No explanations. This teaches your nervous system that clarity is safe - you don’t need to pad it with permission-seeking words. - The Embodiment Reset
Before any high-stakes moment: three slow breaths, shoulders down, chest open. Then speak the decision. This shifts you out of the anxious performer and into the grounded leader. - The Recalibration Note
Once a week, write one line of proof: “I made this decision without asking, and here’s what happened.” This trains your subconscious to stack evidence for the woman who moves without consensus.
When you run these practices, you starts to hear your actual voice again - not the critic, not the ghost of the old boss, not the approval loop. Your voice. Clean, direct, commanding.
And this is where sovereignty lives: not in waiting for applause, but in issuing your own verdict.
Micro-Practice: Right now, think of one choice you’ve been avoiding. Breathe, drop into your body, say it out loud in under 30 seconds, and finish with: “I authorize this.” Then act. That’s how you collapse the gap between thought and reality.
Closing
You are the permission. You are the portal. Stop treating your life like it’s a vote. If you’re ready to collapse the timeline and install this authority into your identity, go to my website and click the button that says Quantum Jump at the top of the page. Go to https://rewiredtorisepodcast.com/episodes. That button is your initiation. That’s where we work together, one-on-one, in a group or in one of my courses, to recalibrate your nervous system, your self-image, and your power so you stop waiting, and start leading. But you have to go first in order to lead. It has to start with you and I can’t wait to meet you.
You’ve been listening to the Rewired to Rise Podcast with Tanya-Marie Dubé. I love that I get to spend this time with you. See you on the next episode.