🎙️ EPISODE 008: Becoming Her Requires an Internal Collapse
“Before you get the breakthrough…you’ll feel like you’re falling apart. That’s not failure. That’s frequency correction.” Let’s be real-most women don’t choose transformation. They get dragged to the edge of themselves.
Breakdown as a Portal
No one raises their hand for ego death. No one volunteers for identity collapse. You don’t wake up and say, “...let’s go ahead and torch everything that made me feel safe.”
No. You wake up… disconnected. Like you’re living inside someone else’s life. You hit the deadlines. You hit the revenue. You even hit the gym. But nothing hits you back.
You’re flat. Irritable. Over it. You pick fights with your partner. You numb-scroll through your own success. You smile on camera, but it’s autopilot.
And that’s the part no one talks about - you’re not falling apart because something’s wrong. You’re falling apart because something’s done. The game you’ve been playing? The role you’ve been performing? The identity you’ve been gripping to feel in control?
She’s expiring. The mask no longer fits. The strategy stopped working. The effort now feels like debt.
And maybe the scariest part is…you don’t even know who you’d be without it.
That’s when it hits you: this isn’t burnout. This is a frequency failure. You’ve outgrown the identity you built to survive. You’ve maxed out her capacity.
She was brilliant. She got you here. She protected you when the world demanded you be smaller, quieter, more pleasing.
But she was built in response to a wound - not from a vision.
And here’s the cold truth: you can either keep patching her together
- coping, optimizing, “balancing” - or you can burn her.
Burn the identity that needed validation to feel enough. Burn the productivity addiction that masked your worth. Burn the fake “success” that cost you your nervous system, your intimacy, and your joy.
And rebuild...not from trauma. Not from strategy. But from truth. From presence. From you.
Because this breakdown isn’t the end. It’s the actual door. A portal. And you don’t need more clarity. You need to walk through it.
And let me be clear - if this is hitting you in the chest, if you feel like I just read your diary, it’s because I’m inside the very pattern that’s kept you high-achieving but internally starving.
I’m not here to make it feel better. I’m here to pull you out of the lie.
This is the point of no return. The identity death before the identity rise. And if you’re here…it’s time.
Let it collapse. Let her go. She was built to protect you, but she’ll never let you lead.
So if you’re unraveling, good. The system is recalibrating. Now let’s build the woman who was meant to hold all of it.
Why Ego Death Always Precedes Identity Elevation
So, let’s get something straight - your ego is not the villain. It’s a survival mechanism with a clipboard. It took notes on every wound, every betrayal, every success. And it built a system. An identity designed to protect you from pain.
She’s efficient. She’s persuasive. And she’s scared sh*tless of expansion.
Because expansion requires unknowns. It requires risk. It requires letting go of everything that used to work.
Your ego? It doesn’t care if you’re fulfilled. It cares if you’re safe. Predictable. Controllable.
So when you start reaching for more: more peace. More visibility. More intimacy. More money without the martyrdom - your ego goes DEFCON 1.
She’ll whisper: “Who do you think you are?” “What if they see the real you and leave?” “What if you build it all and lose it again?”
But those questions? They’re not coming from wisdom. They’re coming from wiring. Old trauma and old stories. Old energetic contracts that said, “Be useful or be invisible.”
And here’s the kicker: the identity you’ve been wearing? The one that got the applause, the deals, the approval? She is performative. She’s not powerful.
And you know it.
You feel it in your body when you say yes but mean no. You feel it when success starts tasting like sand. You feel it when your nervous system twitches every time you rest.
That’s not alignment. That’s a masquerade.
And if you want to become her - the version of you that commands rooms with silence…that receives without explaining…that creates without calculating ROI on her desire - you’re going to have to kill the part of you that was built to be acceptable.
Yes, I said kill. Ego death is not soft. It’s not a gentle rebrand. It’s an identity execution.
And it will feel like you’re dying.
Because the part of you that’s dying - was never you to begin with.
It was the mask. The muscle memory. The performative autopilot that learned how to win approval, but never learned how to receive love.
When you step into this work, you’re not tweaking your habits. You’re not optimizing your calendar. You are becoming unrecognizable to the old self.
That’s why it feels like grief. Because it is. It’s a funeral for the version of you that was good…but not true.
And when she dies - the version of you that was hidden under performance, under pressure, under perfection?
She finally gets to rise. Not because she worked harder. Not because she proved her worth. But because she remembered who she was.
Signs You're in the Collapse
Now, let’s cut through the noise - you don’t need more mindset hacks. You need to recognize the identity collapse you’re in for what it is:
A spiritual evacuation. A total energetic eviction of the woman you were pretending to be.
So let’s name the signs. Let’s hold the mirror steady and look:
✅ You feel like a fraud in your own success. Not because you’re not qualified. But because you’re no longer aligned with the identity that created it.
✅ Your motivation is evaporating. You used to thrive on pressure. Now it just feels like suffocation with a smile.
✅ You’re busy - so busy. But it’s performative. You’re sprinting just to avoid hearing the voice inside that keeps whispering, “this isn’t it anymore.”
✅ Your body is revolting. Insomnia. Bloating. Anxiety that hums beneath your skin. You’re not sick. You’re saturated with unexpressed truth.
✅ You’re secretly afraid that if you slow down, everything will fall apart. But what you don’t realize is… it’s already crumbling. Because it was built from fear, not truth.
✅ Your relationships feel off. You’re either shrinking to stay safe, or exploding to feel alive.
✅ You’ve started questioning everything: your brand. Your voice. Your purpose. Your worth.
You try to explain it to friends, but they don’t get it. They say you’re just tired. But you know - this isn’t exhaustion. This is exit.
You are exiting the performance identity. The overfunctioner. The hyper-responsible fixer. The queen of control.
And the moment you realize that collapse is not a crisis - but a calling - well then, everything changes.
Because this isn’t the breakdown. It’s the burning. Of a self you no longer need.
So if your world feels like it’s glitching right now…if everything feels raw, tight, loud, and unrecognizable - good.
You’re not crazy. You’re not lost. You’re in transition.
The mask is sliding off. The scaffolding is falling. The real you is waking up,
and she’s not interested in your old performance review.
This is the moment. The edge. The precipice.
Do not reach for the old.
Stand still. Let it collapse. Let it die.
Because the woman you are becoming? She doesn’t need to hold it all.
She needs to hold herself.
What to Hold Onto and What to Release
Let me be brutal in the way only love can be - you cannot carry everything into your next evolution. You are not meant to.
Some of it? It has to die. Some of it was never yours to hold in the first place. This is what happens when we form patterns of behaviour - the mask we create and wear proudly to survive - we are getting really really good at playing not to lose, instead of playing to win. We begin to attract every square inch of our lives to the mask, not to who we truly are and it’s why we hit a wall like this. Because you’re realizing the life you’re in isn’t yours.
This is the sacred sorting. The inventory moment. The line in the sand between who you were and who you are becoming.
So let’s talk about what stays…and what gets burned.
What you hold onto?
Your voice - the one you silenced to make others comfortable. Not the filtered, curated version. The truth frequency that rattles cages and calls things forward.
Your vision - the one you buried under logic and “realistic goals.” The wild one. The quantum one. The one that makes your stomach flip because it feels like too much. That one is sacred. Hold it.
Your body - the one you’ve ignored, punished, and pushed past for years. She’s not broken. She’s your compass. She holds every answer you’ve been outsourcing.
Your inner authority - the knowing that doesn’t ask for permission. The deep gut, the intuitive YES that bypasses logic and cuts timelines. You don’t need more evidence. You need to decide to trust it.
What you release?
Let’s get vicious with this.
You release:
- The strategy that’s built from fear.
- The team you keep just to feel needed.
- The pricing that proves you’re “worth it” instead of aligned with it.
- The friendships built on convenience, not energetic resonance.
- The to-do list that’s a trauma response disguised as productivity.
And perhaps hardest of all - you release the identity that worked. The role that you decided to play that was familiar, admired, rewarded.
She’s exhausted. She’s maxed out. And she will not survive your next level.
This is where most women fold.
They try to evolve without letting go. They want the upgrade without clearing the cache. They want to build a new self on top of the rubble.
But power doesn’t stack. Power expands. And expansion requires space.
So what are you clinging to? What feels sacred but is actually a soul-sized handcuff? What still serves others but starves you?
You will be asked to surrender it. All of it.
Not as a punishment. As a preparation.
Because the version of you who can hold what you say you want? She’s not negotiating with the past.
She’s not co-signing old conditioning just to keep the peace.
She is clear. She is direct. She is available.
And that version of you? Only appears when you finally stop auditioning for your old life.
So ask yourself - are you gripping what’s dying? Or are you willing to risk being reborn?
Because that’s what this is. Not a tweak. Not a pivot. A rebirth.
Let it be messy. Let it be loud. Let it be sacred.
But for God’s sake - let it happen. Because what you resist persists, and if you’re unhappy now, watch what happens when you ignore this.
Rebuilding From Truth, Not Trauma
Now, let’s be clear - you don’t rebuild from collapse by “getting back to normal.” You rebuild by redefining what normal even means.
Because what you called “normal” before was a trauma loop dressed in achievement. It was high-functioning survival. Polished. Praised. But still…performance.
So now? You rebuild from something deeper.
From truth. From alignment. From the version of you that doesn’t need to prove, fix, hustle, or manage perception.
That version?
She’s still. She’s surgical. She’s self-led.
And here’s what rebuilding from truth actually looks like:
It means listening to your body more than your calendar. It means creating offers, content, containers - not to be “consistent” - but because you’re convicted.
It means saying no to good money if it comes with energetic debt.
It means building your business, your voice, your future - not from strategy alone - but from soul strategy.
It means honoring your pace. Even when everyone else is sprinting. Even when the algorithm wants more. Even when the people around you don't get it.
Because what you’re building now? Can’t be reverse engineered. It’s not templated. It’s transmitted.
And only truth can hold that kind of frequency.
But let’s get something straight - rebuilding from truth won’t feel familiar.
Familiar was burnout. Familiar was proving. Familiar was being “on” all the time because you thought you had to be the brand, the leader, the rock.
But the truth - the real you? She moves differently.
She builds slower, but creates systems that scale. She’s magnetic without manipulation. She leads without rescuing.
Because now? You’re no longer available for leadership rooted in martyrdom. You’re not here to bleed for results.
You’re here to become the signal. To move from calibration, not compensation. To let your frequency do the heavy lifting.
And listen - the world will still try to pull you back into performance. You’ll be tempted to contort. To shrink. To over-give.
Don’t.
You’re not here to carry more. You’re here to command more - by becoming a woman who doesn’t betray herself to be liked, hired, or applauded.
So this is it The final phase. The rebirth.
The moment where you stop running from the fire and realize: you are the fire.
You don’t need fixing. You need remembering.
You don’t need to prove. You need to embody.
And if you’re ready to stop repeating the same identity loops in new packaging…if you’re ready to build from truth, not trauma…
Then this work - my work - is your next move.
Because I don’t help you grow the identity that burned you out. I help you become the one who never needed the mask to begin with.
What to do next:
If this landed like a punch and a prayer…if this collapse feels like your internal alarm clock going off…if you know you’re in the middle of the breakdown that comes before the breakthrough - then get in the room.
🧨 The Sabotage Shift Challenge™ was made for this moment.
The collapse isn’t the end. It’s the entrance. It’s the start line. So, let’s build the woman who’s designed to hold your next timeline, but without the sabotage.
Head over to the show notes to grab the link or go to https://sabotageshiftchallenge.com/register to join us. This is where you rise.