Happy Monday and welcome back to the What it Takes Podcast. I am thrilled to have you join me this morning as we start your week with some thoughts and some joy and some intentions for what you want to accomplish.
This week's episode
This week’s episode is all about the stories we tell ourselves. For example, the story I used to tell myself was that I wasn’t good enough for real love, that because of my old life and the things that I went through with foster care and not having a home for many, many years meant that I was defective some how. It didn’t help that I was surrounding myself with all the wrong people who would really stick it to me that I wasn’t good enough by not treating me properly, but we’ll get into why it’s important to surround yourself with the right people in a second.
The ways our behaviour controls our reality
The stories that I was broken led to all kinds of poor behaviour where I just wasn’t treating myself properly and that literally meant that everyone around me wasn’t going to take me seriously either. In school as a kid, I pushed myself so hard to prove to everyone around me that I was smarter than they thought I could ever be. I mean a 97% was something I would beat myself up over for weeks and I would do everything I could to make up for it. I upped my vocabulary so that adults would say how bright I was. And I became really good at drawing so that people would gush over how talented I was. I would become a great storyteller so that people would say what a great actress I was going to be. I did everything and anything for the approval and validation of every single person around me, even strangers. When I hit that puberty age where I stopped being cute and nobody was telling me how great I was anymore, I hit an all time low and I felt like I was going into some kind of mild depression. I quickly learned that adults don’t gush over other adult abilities the way they did when I was a child. I still shake my head at why not to be honest. Personally I think we should be celebrated for the things we’re great at and pushed to do the things we are afraid to do. I stayed with what felt safe for so long. My thinking was that if I wasn’t good at it right away or it felt hard, it meant that I should try something different. How many of you listening have thought that? I literally kept myself from doing so many awesome things because of that one thought. It completely shaped my life. And not in a good way.
Fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
This is called a fixed mindset and I learned through Carol Dweck how to push myself to have a growth mindset. Fixed mindset means that you believe you have qualities that cannot change. It means that you think that your talent in one area is enough to reach your goals and that no amount of improvement will help you because you’re born with a certain amount of skills and intelligence to help you succeed and that’s that so you’ll believe that you are good or bad at something because that’s where your skills lie, and you should stay in that framework. One of my foster mothers used to tell me to stop aiming for things outside my “class”. This is another example of thinking that you can’t have more than you have and staying stuck. You believe that you are really good at something or really bad at something and that skills needed can’t be learned to make you great. It’s super easy to give up on something that feels hard when you feel this way, and it’s equally difficult to hear feedback when it’s negative even if it’s useful. A growth mindset means that you believe that success will develop with time, effort and persistence. A person with a growth mindset loves challenges, and can climb over obstacles, seeing them as stepping stones, learns from the successes of others and sees criticism as a way to improve. A growth mindset person believes that the journey is in the process and they don’t attach themselves to the outcome, believing that they can achieve what they want to achieve.
How to make some bold moves and change our thinking
So how do you go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset so that you can love yourself more, achieve more, find more peace in your life and show up for others in a really inspirational way? Here are some steps:
Thank you for listening to this episode of What it Takes and I cannot wait to hear everything you have to say! Head on over to my Facebook group that has been made exclusively for you. It’s called This is What It Takes Podcast Insider. See you there!
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