When will I know I'm ready to fall in love again?
Nov 21, 2019
When will I know I'm ready to fall in love again? Such a good question. Also another question is: when is it time to fall in love again? I get asked these questions a lot. My answer is always the same: it depends on where you’re at in your personal development and if you’re ready to show up on the same level that you expect a partner to. Soooooo often we forget that if we’re asking for a partner who is good at listening, is generous, loving, self less, kind, mindful, aware, takes good care of themselves, works hard..we forget that we need to be all the things that we are asking for. What makes you think that you’re ready and able to handle a relationship on that level UNLESS you are there, yourself? Because trust me when I say that I always asked for all these things, but then I would get them, and I would think “oooh…this guy thinks a lot about himself.” What I thought I saw was ego, but what I was really seeing was confidence. Because I wasn’t able to conjure up that kind of confidence for myself and because I was living in fear of what other people thought about me, I judged him for having “arrived”. I didn’t see myself as the type of person who could command attention, or be bold enough to ask for what I wanted, or have the bravery to REALLY pursue my dreams, so the minute someone’s behaviour threatened that inside me, I judged them for it. I clearly was not ready to have a man who was all those things for a very long time. Let me say that the only reason it took a “very long time” was because I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and stepping into my leadership or my higher self had to come with a certain kind of experience, hence why we are all here now. We needed these experiences to get us where we are now.
So when are you ready to fall in love? Have you made a list of what you want in a partner? Like a real list: one that you’ve spent time thinking about, and you’ve worked on? If you’re going to do research and take time to find your perfect job, education, career or house, you had better be certain about the kind of man you’re bringing into your life and the energy that comes with that. Because as we both know, there is nothing worse than having a bum for a partner in your life. And he’ll bring all his dirty laundry, his crappy friends, and whatever is left of his family.
We want quality partners and quality experiences, and if we’re going to have that, then we better be the kind of person who is a quality partner and someone who can bring quality experiences to this new person’s life, right? So how do we do that? I like to make a list of what I want to accomplish in my life. I use this idea a lot: if I was in med school and planning on being a doctor, willing and able (and in the mix) to withstand those 11-15 years of education, would I pick a “sort of good guy” or a “maybe he’ll show up for me” kind of guy, or a “he doesn’t have a job but needs a place to live” kind of guy? The point is that when we have a plan for our lives, and we stick to the plan, and we orchestrate our moves in life with intention, we won’t stand for just any kind of experience that will take our time away, or take more than we can give or hang around with just anyone. We just won’t. We have now put ourselves in a position to only accept friendships and relationships, experiences and challenges that are aligned with what we are trying to accomplish. So one question I have for you is this: are you fulfilled in your life when it comes to work or school, and if not, what are you going to do about it? Sometimes we fill the space with a partner because we are bored and we have this idea that it’s their job to fill the void. Let me be the one to tell you that it’s not their job to fill any void in your life. It’s your job. And if you’re looking for someone to fill the void, you’ll find someone who says exactly what you need to hear in order to make you believe you need them. I learned that lesson the hard way. So how are you filling up your life in ways that keep you fulfilled and happy?
What kind of people do you have around you? Have you ever heard this saying: "you are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most". It’s true, lovely lady. You just are. So be careful who you hang with. Be careful who you talk to about your goals and your dreams. Be mindful of what kind of energy you’re bringing into your space and be FIERCELY protective of it. Guard your mind: watch what you’re putting into your brain. I know that might sound a bit much, but it’s true. I stopped watching the news when my daughter was tiny, and she’s 14 now. I’m still informed. I still learn what I need to learn by grabbing snippets of info from here and there. But I do not immerse myself in all the awful things that are happening in the world. I just can’t. My message is about empowerment and inner strength and not defining yourself by where you’ve come from. So I ask myself this: is what I’m putting into my head helping move me forward or is it distracting me or taking me away from what I truly stand for. So now my question to you is this: what do you stand for?
Do you see how we’re pulling it all together in this post? Have you decided what kind of man you want if you’re looking for a lifelong connection with someone? Have you decided what you need to do to become the woman you want to be so that you’re able to have everything you want? How are you filling up your time so that you are fulfilled and happy? What do you stand for? This is a short list of a handful of things that I teach in my membership Divorce Detox Tribe. It’s important to level up when it comes to changing your life. You’ll hear me say time and time again that there is no way on earth that we are willingly going to allow these past relationships to rule the rest of our lives. Let’s be real: they’re just one person that it didn’t work out with. Just one. They weren’t everything if they are no longer around. They’re not worth the effort, the emotional significance or the time it is taking to move on. But they sure did a heck of a job making you think they were, didn’t they?
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