How long it takes you to get over your divorce is up to you. I live by the belief that anything is possible once you understand your habits, behaviour patterns and belief systems and master them. I want you to come to understand the kind of thinking and patterns of behaviour that got you into this situation so you don't have to repeat these lessons ever again and you can truly set yourself free by growing and learning from them.
It was so hard when I left my marriage of 18 years with my two kids and our things.
I had been through really tough stuff before so I knew that I could get through this, but the desperate pull to repeat old patterns of behaviour and live out bad habits was really strong.
The transition into being "okay" was a rough one. It was a roller coaster ride, daily.
I started looking around for the kind of self help and personal development that help women get through this. The kind of help that gets us over the craziness and the constant revolving door in our minds consisting of conversations and memories.
It wasn't there.
… I quickly realized:
No matter what I tried, I couldn't let go of the dizzying feeling of abandonment. Stories were being told about me that weren't true, and the oppressor suddenly became the victim, leaving me with even more confusion and emotional torment than when I was married.
Every time I got ahead, even by a little, the crushing feeling of uncertainty about the future and if we were going to be alright was palpable. Some weeks I couldn't shake it. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and I couldn't focus.
I spent a lot of time crying. Going back and forth in the timeline of my life, trying to understand what was happening. What was the lesson I was supposed to learn?
I ran out of people to talk to about this. Unless you've been through it, nobody understands. And therapists aren't much help. Most don't recognize narcissistic personality disorder, which is something that I've had to deal with in my life through various relationships. It can be hard describing the emotionally abusive prison I lived in for most of my life to someone who has never been through it.
I started to stay inside more, hiding away from the outside world.
After a while, I didn't see my friends or immediate family.
I stopped doing the things I loved to do.
My schedule was completely empty, except for my children's lives and my time revolved around their schedule.
And then when I thought I was ready to start dating:
I realized that I was attracting the same type of man that I had many times before.
I ran myself ragged trying to live a "normal" life with all the pressure of my separation and what I had to deal with in that first, second and third year.
In reality, I started to see that what I needed was a complete overhaul of the way I was living my life because it wasn't working.
I quickly realized that instead of spending all my money on wine and going out with friends, that I should instead use that money to invest in my mind, in my soul and in my overall personal development like I had never done before. I knew I was going to spend the money anyway, so it might as well go into something I would benefit from for the rest of my life. I learned:
Once I realized all of this...
So I went old-school and did what I had always done in the past. I helped others by teaching what I learned…
I had the distinct honor of helping thousands of women (married, divorced and single moms) all over the world through my online talk show understand how to avoid getting caught in the rejection, the feelings of loneliness and uncertainty part of divorce so they could move on with intention and clarity.
Not just “transform”…
But actually go into the strategies and techniques that help you understand that what you've gone through had its purpose. I want you to look at it this way: the universe has given you a masters degree in what keeps showing up for you in your life again, and again, and again. You're not a victim.
I've shown women how to completely transform their lives by making small, simple shifts. It doesn't have to be complicated. As a matter of fact, it's not. It's US who make it complicated.
I teach what I’ve personally done to create a meaningful and completely free life where I don't hold onto the things that other people have done to me, I can focus, sleep well and I fully understand what I'm meant to spend my life doing. I'm in control. It took me a long time and many mistakes and powerful lessons to get here. We are always going to be a work in progress, but I'm doing it. And so can you.
If you like what you’re reading and want to get started with my free resource: 10 Ways to Keep From Losing Yo' Damn Mind During Divorce right away, click HERE to download it now.
I know you’re ready to do the work.
That’s why you’re here.
It's why you showed up.
It's why you realize that enough is enough and if you're going to really make use of the next chapter of your life, you need to make real changes.
That's why you've spent so many hours, days, months and years looking for the right thing. The one big thing that makes all the difference in the world.
And just by reading this, you want to make sure that this time it's right. This time you're in the right place at the right time.
Start by diving into my freebie: 10 Ways to Keep From Losing Yo' Damn Mind During Your Divorce. Download it HERE or click the image below.
➝ See this photograph of me and these two amazing people? They're named Gerald and Ivy and were my foster family that fought to keep me for 8 years. I lived in 8 foster homes from the time I was born until I was 10.
➝ I was homeless from 12-18 years old, trying to finish school, living in friends' closets and basements, church bathrooms, cars and once under a tree in a park.
➝ I'm a newly internationally published author of an amazing book called Connect! with 11 super talented authors on the topic of divorce and recovery.
➝ Obsessed with Real Housewives. I know...I can't help it.
➝ Also obsessed with Motown music.
➝ I love love love my two kiddos and we have a non-negotiable date night every week and then we all cuddle and fall asleep in a giant bed. ❤️
➝ Can be found singing my face off to Pat Benatar, Brandi Carlisle or Pistol Annies at any given moment in the day.